I received a ping message inviting me
for a birthday party.
That still voice kept telling me
''NaijaSingleGirl, don't go'' but I
remained adamant.
The celebrant said she was going to
send someone to come pick me up and
take me back home when the evening
party was over. This should be easy I
thought.
First of all, I had thirty minutes to look
for what to wear. It was 5:30pm and the
birthday was meant to start by 6pm. No
African time.
I eventually found a flare mini skirt but
the waist was too large so I tied a scarf
across it in place of a belt. Some
minutes later, I was good to go.
A Keke Napep of all vehicles arrived
with the celebrant brother. A keke is
just a wheel barrow with a sitting area
and it was painful watching all the
swags I had disappear as I jumped in
with my high heel sandals. I would have
turned it down but I didn't want to
come across as a conceited person.
Maybe if I was in a relationship she
would have sent a ferrari. Who knows?
Three minutes into the journey, a heavy
rain began and the convertible looking
keke napep was not spared. I arrived at
the venue looking like a wet chicken. I
was a total mess! The rain wiped out my
makeup, the outline of my bra was
showing and my skirt was dripping
water.
I had to take off the scarf from my waist
to wipe my face.
Then came the sympathies from the girls
that arrived with Limos.
''Sorry o''. ''Eeyah'' ''let's ask the celebrant
for a towel" ''Is your skirt oversized or
what?''
Before I knew it, one of the girls handed
me a camera and begged me to take
them pictures. When I was done giving
them 50 shots, none of them wanted to
take shots with me. Who would anyway
when I was looking like a drenched evil
spirit.
I didn't know worse awaited me.
I stepped into the party room without
realising there was a short staircase so
I fell, ruining a heel from one pair of my
sandals. One of the celebrant siblings
rushed to pick me up promising she was
going to give me a pair of bathroom
slippers before I leave. How
embarrassing could my day be?
I hurriedly limped to one corner and
sat there going through MTN old
messages in my phone. Anything to
avoid everyone's eyes.
The party had a total of 38 guests
inclusive of 36 females and two males.
An all girls party? Eighteen girls to one
guy? Obviously I was going to leave the
party single again.
Oh well...
It was time for the opening prayer.
''You with the red mini skirt, lead us in
prayer''
I turned only to realise the celebrant
mother was talking to me. The celebrant
mother? I thought this was meant to be
an adult party for the 'not so old adults'
''In Jesus name, bless this day Lord'' was
all I could stutter. If I had said more
than that, I would have been weeping.
All I needed was a quiet time with Jesus
so I could ask him why all of these was
happening to me.
Immediately I was done with my
sentence, they started sharing birthday
rice. I've never been to such a brief
party all my life!
Snap, Pray, Eat and Vamoose. Nice one
I thought.
Everyone was served exception of me.
I had to feel my body if I mistakenly
wore my invisible cloak.
At that point I started chewing on my
invisible gum while other guests who
were done with their food looked at me
with pity.
''The girl with the short skirt has not
eaten, give her food''
The celebrant mother told one of her
girls with her Sango voice.
Everyone turned at me.
''I am not hungry'' I lied fighting back
tears.
She didn't pay attention to me. A plate
of rice was shoved into my hands.
Seconds later, the two guys at the party
were headed towards me. Among all the
girls here, they found me attractive.
Hallelujah!
Something to compensate myself for, I
thought.
The first thing one of them said was
''Hello NSG, are you born again? You
think life is all about fried rice & mini
skirt''
I almost choked on the rice.
Apparently, they were from the
celebrant church & I was thinking they
fancied me.
Both of them spent the next twenty five
minutes preaching to me while I was
swallowing my rice one grain after
other. I blamed my short skirt for
putting me through that.
Eventually, a mini altar-call was done
for me there and everyone watched
while I proclaimed Jesus Christ as my
Lord and Personal Saviour.
After all said and done, I was handed a
pair of bathroom slippers and whisked
back into my keke napep.
Why always me?
for a birthday party.
That still voice kept telling me
''NaijaSingleGirl, don't go'' but I
remained adamant.
The celebrant said she was going to
send someone to come pick me up and
take me back home when the evening
party was over. This should be easy I
thought.
First of all, I had thirty minutes to look
for what to wear. It was 5:30pm and the
birthday was meant to start by 6pm. No
African time.
I eventually found a flare mini skirt but
the waist was too large so I tied a scarf
across it in place of a belt. Some
minutes later, I was good to go.
A Keke Napep of all vehicles arrived
with the celebrant brother. A keke is
just a wheel barrow with a sitting area
and it was painful watching all the
swags I had disappear as I jumped in
with my high heel sandals. I would have
turned it down but I didn't want to
come across as a conceited person.
Maybe if I was in a relationship she
would have sent a ferrari. Who knows?
Three minutes into the journey, a heavy
rain began and the convertible looking
keke napep was not spared. I arrived at
the venue looking like a wet chicken. I
was a total mess! The rain wiped out my
makeup, the outline of my bra was
showing and my skirt was dripping
water.
I had to take off the scarf from my waist
to wipe my face.
Then came the sympathies from the girls
that arrived with Limos.
''Sorry o''. ''Eeyah'' ''let's ask the celebrant
for a towel" ''Is your skirt oversized or
what?''
Before I knew it, one of the girls handed
me a camera and begged me to take
them pictures. When I was done giving
them 50 shots, none of them wanted to
take shots with me. Who would anyway
when I was looking like a drenched evil
spirit.
I didn't know worse awaited me.
I stepped into the party room without
realising there was a short staircase so
I fell, ruining a heel from one pair of my
sandals. One of the celebrant siblings
rushed to pick me up promising she was
going to give me a pair of bathroom
slippers before I leave. How
embarrassing could my day be?
I hurriedly limped to one corner and
sat there going through MTN old
messages in my phone. Anything to
avoid everyone's eyes.
The party had a total of 38 guests
inclusive of 36 females and two males.
An all girls party? Eighteen girls to one
guy? Obviously I was going to leave the
party single again.
Oh well...
It was time for the opening prayer.
''You with the red mini skirt, lead us in
prayer''
I turned only to realise the celebrant
mother was talking to me. The celebrant
mother? I thought this was meant to be
an adult party for the 'not so old adults'
''In Jesus name, bless this day Lord'' was
all I could stutter. If I had said more
than that, I would have been weeping.
All I needed was a quiet time with Jesus
so I could ask him why all of these was
happening to me.
Immediately I was done with my
sentence, they started sharing birthday
rice. I've never been to such a brief
party all my life!
Snap, Pray, Eat and Vamoose. Nice one
I thought.
Everyone was served exception of me.
I had to feel my body if I mistakenly
wore my invisible cloak.
At that point I started chewing on my
invisible gum while other guests who
were done with their food looked at me
with pity.
''The girl with the short skirt has not
eaten, give her food''
The celebrant mother told one of her
girls with her Sango voice.
Everyone turned at me.
''I am not hungry'' I lied fighting back
tears.
She didn't pay attention to me. A plate
of rice was shoved into my hands.
Seconds later, the two guys at the party
were headed towards me. Among all the
girls here, they found me attractive.
Hallelujah!
Something to compensate myself for, I
thought.
The first thing one of them said was
''Hello NSG, are you born again? You
think life is all about fried rice & mini
skirt''
I almost choked on the rice.
Apparently, they were from the
celebrant church & I was thinking they
fancied me.
Both of them spent the next twenty five
minutes preaching to me while I was
swallowing my rice one grain after
other. I blamed my short skirt for
putting me through that.
Eventually, a mini altar-call was done
for me there and everyone watched
while I proclaimed Jesus Christ as my
Lord and Personal Saviour.
After all said and done, I was handed a
pair of bathroom slippers and whisked
back into my keke napep.
Why always me?