When a relationship ends, we forget that the only objective
available to us isn’t to get right back into another one.
We see a huge, gaping hole waiting to be filled and we a
$$ume that it has to be someone else’s mind and heart and
spirit that must fit perfectly inside of it. That we’ll just be a
little bit empty or a little bit lonely or a little bit undone
until we meet someone new – and even if we’re okay with
that, it’s a problematic way of looking at things.
Because here’s the truth about that hole – it’s there. It’s
real. It’s begging to be filled (spare me the innuendo). But it
isn’t in the shape of someone else, it’s simply in the shape
of what they offered us – be that stability, excitement,
validation or understanding.
There are an infinite number of activities, an infinite
number of projects, an infinite number of ways we could
fill that empty space that someone else left. And so few of
those ways involve falling back in love.
We forget, all too easily, that there’s a whole world out
there to be explored. That there are more people to meet,
experiences to have and lives to lead than we will ever
have time to fully take hold of.
So instead of moping over one measly person in a world of
seven billion, here are 30 awesome alternatives that you
can take on all by yourself.
1. Learn a foreign language. Get a language app or a
conversation partner or a bilingual dictionary and force
your mind to twist itself into a brand new way of
comprehending other people.
2. Move to a far-away country for an indefinite period of
time. Come back when you feel like it, or never come back
at all.
3. Get a motorcycle license. Rent a motorcycle and drive it
around town on the days you want to feel like a bada$$.
4. Get into the best shape of your life. Appreciate your body
not just for the way it looks through someone else’s eyes,
but for the way it feels to you. Learn your new physical
limits, and then push them again and again.
5. Go visit a friend who’s moved away – the one you keep
saying you’ll visit but never actually do.
6. Learn to play an instrument. Devote an hour a day to
practicing and watch yourself improve in leaps and bounds.
Make a Youtube channel if you feel so inspired. Connect
with other artists and work your way into a new
community.
7. Volunteer somewhere. If you’re tired of the world inside
your own mind, start devoting your time to a cause that
doesn’t involve you. Realize that there’s an entire Universe
outside of your house and that it needs your help.
8. Learn to scuba dive or rock climb or paraglide.
Whichever makes you feel the coolest.
9. Become financially independent (if you’re currently not).
Get a part time job and pay your debts down if you have
them. Realize that money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure
does buy peace of mind and that’s a similar concept.
10. Take up Yoga. Become one of those people who
Instagrams yourself posing on a cliff side at sunset and feel
absolutely zero shame about it.
11. Write a book. Write a joke book or a fiction novel or a
memoir. Write the story that’s always been inside of you,
taking up residence under your skin, because we all have
one in us to tell.
12. Go back to school. Get a good education from whatever
school you’re able to go to, without worrying about how far
away from someone else you have to move.
13. Buy a onesie and big, huge mug to fill with tea and
learn to comfort yourself on the nights when no one else is
there to comfort you.
15. Plan your future without restraint. Daydream about
quitting your job to go travel. Speculate over changing your
career on a whim. Allow your imagination to run wild and
realize that there’s not a lot stopping you from making
those dreams a reality.
16. Make a big, huge, glaring mistake. Fall flat down on
your face and realize that you can still pick yourself back
up. That you’re accountable to only yourself. And that you
still have so much time to make things right.
17. Go home and spend some serious time with your
family. Get to know them as people, as adults and as
friends.
18. Go out with friends and stay up until the sun rises. You
have no one to report to but yourself so let the good times
roll and for one night, just don’t worry about tomorrow.
19. Sleep spread eagle across the bed.
20. Pick a topic you’ve always been interested in, go to your
local library and check out all of the books you can find on
that topic. Read them all. Become an expert. Why not.
22. Join a meet-up group that revolves around an activity
you’ve always wanted to try, but haven’t made time for yet.
Make friends who share your interest and let the social
commitment keep you coming back to continue exploring
it.
23. Open up your home to couchsurfers. If you can’t afford
to travel, live vicariously through their experiences and
make friends from around the world.
24. Learn to dance. Take ballroom dancing or jazz lessons
or pole dancing cla$$es. Keep your body moving to
whatever beat inspires you.
25. Redecorate your house, apartment or room. Paint it
that color you never dared to. Buy that piece of furniture
you always had your eye on. Enjoy your space, now that it’s
all your own.
26. Train for a marathon. Then run it.
27. Learn to cook three meals really well. Impress friends
with a rotation of those three dishes for basically the rest of
your life.
28. Identify one thing you’re terrified of and go do it. If it’s
flying, take a flight lesson. If it’s love, express your affection
to somebody. Don’t worry about whether or not it’s going to
work out – just do it for the sake of it, to know that you
have challenged yourself.
29. Practice meditation. Get comfortable being alone with
your thoughts and listen to what they’re trying to tell you.
30. Pick every trait you desire in a partner and cultivate
them in yourself. There’s one person you’re definitely
spending the rest of your life with and it’s you. So make
yourself into one hell of a companio
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